You can’t take back what you did. It was wrong.
If you have no idea where it was wrong, well let me break it down to you. Because at first, believe it or not, I also thought that you did no wrong – you were innocent!
But for the sake of .. whatever, I think you’d need help in breaking things like this down. Here we go.
1. Your feelings, like every other person in this world, can change.
That is one HUGE fact that you should seriously consider. Before doing anything.
Please do realize the fact that feelings, either anger, love, ignorance, whatever feeling that is – they change.
And therefore when you act with your feelings as your main base, you’re a fool. Because they should NEVER be a base for any sudden action. You’re going to end up making huge mistakes.
When you’re facing with feelings, let it settle down. Let your mind slow down so it’ll be able to speak. And until then, do nothing. Absolutely nothing about it. Cause anything that you do with your “burning” feelings as a base would end up, let me guarantee, as another mistake. You’d end up hurting yourself and others.
The fact that you acted to your feelings without further reflection alone shows how short-minded you are as a person. And that is not good at all. Especially when it involves others.
Those decisions you made by forgetting that you have a head instead of just hormones are counted as mistakes. You want proof? Hell, use your head. You’ll see it yourself.
2. You’re not the only one with a heart.
The second point for now. You should probably do things that people have always talked about : reflect everything upon your heart. Try standing in others’ shoes.
As hard as it sounds, it’s simple. And as simple as it sounds, it’s not easy either.
When you’re dealing with a person, well, you’re dealing with a divine creature that you shouldn’t play around with. That creature has feelings, just like how you have some too.
And that’s why doing anything toward a person needs considerations. You need to reflect upon them.
What you say to a person, feelings you threw at them, actions you do towards them.. reflect upon them before you actually execute them all.
Imagine if you’re in the same situation, but in a reversed state. Imagine you’re standing at the receiving end.
What would you want to hear? what would you feel? How would you accept everything?
And once you understand them, try to think about your decisions carefully once again.
Are you doing this right? Is this the best way to do this? To say things this way, to throw things like this at them, to project some energy out of you to the other person.. is the way your doing it correct? is the message right? are you saying things correctly?
3. Have you known yourself well?
Have you ever thought about yourself? What you want, what you need, what situations are you in, what kind of steps do you want to take, where are you going, everything.. have you ever sat down to think about them? I bet you never did that. I thought so because I’ve seen you and your actions.
Well, try doing so as a base before you do anything else. Things would be better that way.
You’d take things more seriously that way, I suppose.
Well. In the end, I’m not the one who’s responsible for your growth. Yes, that lack of growth had put me in an extraordinarily uncomfortable condition, but it was in the past. Note that your growth never was, never will be, part of my responsibility.
I made mistakes too along the way. I won’t cover those facts. And maybe that’s why the journey for me wasn’t that easy either. I learned what I need to, and I’m ready to improve.
You should know that things are not easy for me. And I hate the fact that if you continue in being the you that’s viable right now, there would be more victims falling, thanks to your lack of knowledge.
If you refuse to acknowledge these lackings that I mentioned earlier, well, that would be your loss. I have nothing to do about it.
Please do note tho, that even though I have been through a harsh time, and you might feel that you have the responsibility to make it up to me in any ways.. well you don’t. Let me tell you, I-don’t-need-your-aid.
I put myself into this, and I don’t need you to aid me whatsoever.
I don’t hate you, I hate the situations we were in and how our lack of knowledge and wellness and our immaturity led us into such uncomfortable situation. I am in grief for that.
I would continue to improve myself, and I hope you do so too. I would put everything in the past, and you should too.
We’re over for good. I think you should know this for a fact as well. We’re OVER. Don’t act like you have anything left here in my life.
One last thing. Please do me a favor – by not knocking any of my doors again. Ever. Cause if that happened at the second time, I probably would have guns ready to shoot you in the head.
Or perhaps, not your head. First it would be both of your limbs. Then your belly. Your shoulders, right after. And then those hollows in your cheek. And then I’ll leave you. Let you suffer slowly ’til death sets us finally apart.
Yes, I am that scary. I’m sorry. I’ll work on that so I’d be a better person at that and be more gentle.