When I can’t run

It’s almost the end of the semester already, and everyone gets busy planning for the semester ahead.

Since we’re almost reaching the end of our years as college students, we had the burden to actually try internships and stuffs during our short semester.

And just like every one else, I also wish to take the chance and fly away, trying all sorts of things that would support my future. Interning at companies that would give you the experience of working in places you have always kept your eyes on, trying out a career path you have always yearned for.. I want it too.

But the thing is, I don’t think I really know where I want to set my feet at. I looked around and end up being confused instead of hopeful and excited. I mean, I am excited, but dang, where am I going?

I mean, “running towards your dream” and all that.. it sounds awesome, I want that too.

But why does it feel like I’m the only one who wishes to run but end up getting lost?

There are all sort of things and subjects that I have tested my heart with, and I still haven’t found any hint of what I want to do for life. Why can’t the clue get clearer?

Why can’t deciding what to do in life be as easy as what you see in the movies? Why can’t I just salsa into my family’s living room and tell everyone heartily just exactly what I want to do for the rest of my life?

It felt not fair, though. I have always worked hard. I have always tried what I can. Of course I made mistakes but I have never neglected my duties. I have never tried closing down my own path. I have obeyed all the rules so I’d get a better view of where to go. I have always tried my best, so why can’t things just be clear?

It felt like I have always tried to run, with all my might, so I won’t lost in the race, but why do I feel like I end up getting lost and losing all my strength?

I no longer feel like I have the strength to run anymore. I have ran so much, it’s draining me. Even when I faced things I have never liked, I still strived to do my best. But why? Why am I the only one who seemed to lost her way?

And now that I feel like I can’t run anymore, and all I can do is crawl my way somewhere..

Why does this feel so depressing?

I heard people say. When you kept on moving forward, you’ll see the light at the end of the tunnel. I want to believe in that, really.

 

“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”

-Martin Luther King Jr.

Perhaps it’s the journey, not the destination, that matters? Perhaps it’s the fact that I am still striving to move forward even at times when I can’t run that matters? Perhaps it’s to keep on doing something – anything – instead of bawling your eyes out over how gloomy life is – that matters most? I don’t know.

Not all those who wander are lost;

-J. R. R. Tolkien

One day when we’re at the end of this journey, though, make sure you ask me whether it’s true.

We’ll see.

stopped running

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