I never questioned whether I would erase any song from my phone’s playlist. It almost felt like an obligation to keep the old songs alive in there and listen to them diligently.
I have always laughed at my brother who couldn’t even properly open a new water bottle’s lid. It’s like he doesn’t have any strength in his fingers or in any stretch of his skin even though he’s all big right now.
I hated people who seem to be showing their singing skills off. It’s almost the same feeling when I hear people who speak of their feelings so easily in front of others – don’t they think twice? The mouth is controlled and passed the thalamus unlike the nose and its smelling ability.
Then a few weeks back, I watched how someone easily change their playlist to so many new songs and deleted so many good old songs. Makes no sense! How can someone do such a thing?
Then I sprained my right hand’s thumb. I can’t even pull my zipper properly, I can’t even hold anything that requires strength from the thumb. Not even writing properly. Not even opening any water bottle.
Then my life flew into different places because the past years I was pushed to train to sing well, and people actually seemed coming closer when I’m opening up myself through my voice – they even opened up to me as well, and some even said they feel blessed by them. The world somehow turned more familiar.
And so after a few years of keeping the exact same playlist with only few additional new songs, I finally deleted a bunch of songs and replaced them with the songs I craved to listen to these days.
Then I learned to stop using my right thumb until I can get massaged properly, and relied to my left hand, my other fingers, people around me, to help me through tasks that required the strength of a thumb.
And I started telling myself to sing anywhere, because it feels good inside, whether someone is listening or not.
To change and to move on was scary at first. What if I missed them all? what if I want to go back and end up hating all the new things?
To feel pain, crying for help, get helped and to realize how important so many little things are when they were gone was crazy and frightening at first. How would I survive this way?
I hated opening up myself to others, even working hard on my talents feels off because I don’t want to look like I’m trying to get people’s attention or anything. I’m not that kind of girl, alright!
But then, after a while.. change was actually okay. It was good, actually. It shows that we grow up. That we might seem different, but still the same person inside, just growing a little bigger, a little better.
Then, after a while, the pain brought me understanding of how important it is to appreciate the little things in life, and to know that even through the worse pain, you can be helped.
Then, after a while, working on your talents and opening yourself to others is not something to feel guilty about. It is actually the right thing to do, most of the time. Because it brings you to where you need to be. Because in one way or another, it is not just for you, but also for others.
Maybe that’s why the word “common sense” exists. Because your senses somehow could teach you lessons through common events. And those common events are actually the ones who could shape you if you want to. Not into someone else, only to someone better than before.