Don’t you hate it when someone whine so much?
You know exactly how the pattern goes : My life sucks, this happened, that happened, he did this, she did this, he said, she said, life is unfair, and it goes on and on.
Some called these kind of people as ‘toxic people’ we should avoid.
I have always hated such negativity. Whenever my mom protests with her high pitch voice, or when a certain friend start to whine how bad their day was, the first instinct would be, ‘why are all these people intoxicate me with such negativity?’
I kind of felt like my day also got ruined, because what they told me (without my consent, most of the time) are basically pure bad things that easily ruin my mood at once.
Since I hated it, I tried my best NEVER to be such a person. I kept my mouth shut. Stop whining when I can shut myself up. I truly tried my best, keeping things inside and all that.
However, a really weird thing happened – I can’t control myself anymore. I’d get more illogical outburst, feeling annoyed for a whole day, sarcastic most of the time, and I can’t even feel at peace. Annoyingly, the realisation struck me like a lightning – looks like these bad feelings are not meant to be bottled up like this.
I attended some classes. Do self-reflection. Watch people who are ‘calmer’ and try to learn as much as I can. Well, I did learn something new.
I found out that actually, whining is something we do need. We need to let the steam out, and let the toxic inside get drained out. We need to do it frequently, BUT most importantly – do it right.
Yes! there is a right way to let the steam out, because we naturally need such process to keep on going living healthily.
The key was to be clear and be objective – we have to address the issue clearly.
For example – When your workload was overwhelming and you kept getting pressured,
you say, “I am feeling stressed and overwhelmed by my current work, and the way things are pressuring me is not leaving me feeling pleasant. Yes, some break would be nice.”,
and not “I really hate my job. I hate my boss for pressuring me. What is his problem, really? Can’t you see I am having a hard time? I’ll just leave all this behind. Whatever.”
When you found out that your colleague accidentally spilled coffee over the material you’ve been working on for so long, it might be tempting to say, “F her, F her life, I hate her so much, she is such a crap! I know she’s trying to destroy all my work and stomp me, huh? F you!”
when all you needed to do was actually admit things the way they are.
“I’ve been working my arse off on this material, and I am angry at the fact that it’s ruined by her coffee. I would need to..”
Concentrate on letting the toxic out, not feeding the toxic. Admit what you’re feeling, but do not start blaming. Admit what went wrong, and find a way to work it out.
Felt impossible? I know.
However, I found out that admitting my feelings and take control over them are actually better than giving myself more and more toxic.
As people said, “you are responsible for your own happiness.”
I don’t want to be trapped in negativity, and I believe none of us would want so too. Learning how to manage all the negativity helped me in having a better mood, a healthier mind, and a happier attitude.
Of course it didn’t happen overnight. It took time and much conscious effort. Those people I learned from – the ‘calmer’ people – exercised this ability all the time, and I suppose this is their secret to live more happily. The only way we’re ever going to be good at it is to practice.
So what are we waiting for? Go and practice the good whine. Have some real emotional hygiene going!